Another Christian Ranting about Sex!

 Let us start with the crown jewel of Holy Tradition: The Sacred Scriptures. We know in the commandments of God we are told "You shall not commit adultery." Generally people understand this as not having sex with a person other than the one to whom you are married. That's partly correct.Jesus became man and dwelt among us and taught us the commandments are much deeper than they first appear. Regarding this command, He said if we even look at another person and think lustfully about them, we have committed adultery. "Great multitudes" followed Jesus, (Mat. 4) and when He saw them, He went "up on a high mountain" where they came to Him (Mat. 5). It was here on this mountain that He told the multitudes about how the commandments are not only about outward actions, but also about the nous, the "heart" of men and women. 

Was He only speaking to married people when He said this? Probably not. A "multitude" is going to represent the society from which it is drawn, so it is very reasonable to assume there are men, women, young, old, married, single, widowers and widows in the multitude. 

Back to the heart: Jesus says that what goes into us is not what makes us unclean, but what comes out of the heart. In Matthew 15 He says "out of the heart come forth evil thoughts: murders, adulteries, fornication, theft, lies, blasphemies. These are the things that defile a man, not eating with unwashed hands." Notice that adultery(Gr:moicheiai) and fornication(Gr:porneai) are mentioned as distinct categories in the original text. This means that if we were to say "adultery applies to marriage, but consenting single adults aren't married, so they are exempt," we would be shown untrue by Christ's warning that mentions both adultery and fornication, or "hooking up."

Christ hearkens all the way back to the beginning when He says "But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh"(Mk 10). This is Christ's example: One man, one woman, married, one-flesh union. It is the typological depiction of Christ and His Bride, the Church. Paul affirms it in Ephesians.

Speaking of St. Paul, in Ephesians 5 he says "For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God." It's a sentiment he repeats to the congregation at Corinth where he adds the emphasizing sentimentment that "the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord!" He also writes to his spiritual son and young pastor Timothy saying that fornication is "contrary to sound doctrine."

God and the Church have, since the beginning, forbidden sex outside of marriage. It's evident, but why? What's the harm in consenting adult "hook ups?"

Let's consider human sex as opposed to animal mating. Mating is driven by hormones, instinct, the seasons. It is an "animal impulse" by which the species survives. Dogs mate. Puppies are born. There's no "Call you tomorrow" or any feeling of responsibility or any bond. Human intercourse, on the other hand, is a much deeper event. We have the gift of intellect and free will, emotions, and so forth. No act of human intercourse is sterile and free from the deeper aspects of the act. The intimacy, the knowledge, the familiarity, the vulnerability. There is no "utilitarian sex" among humans, even in cases of masturbation, sex with one's self. Hook ups and all other out-of-wedlock sex thwart God's purpose for the act. The emotional, psychological or spiritual connection are absent or avoided or destroyed. There is no possibility for love, self-transcendence, sacrifice, or growth. 

The life of a Christian is a life of daily repentance and pursuit of holiness. "Draw near to God." "Do not neglect good works." "Offer your bodies as a suitable offering to God." "A sacrifice unto God is a broken spirit. A broken and humble heart God will not despise." "The greatest of these is love."

Love is the cause and reason for marriage and sex. Love is all the things in 1 Corinthians 13, but in a single word, Love is "Kenosis," self-emptying, exemplified by Christ. "[T]hough he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied(Gr:ekenosen, from kenosis) Himself, by taking the form of a servant"(Phil 2) Christ God emptied Himself of righteous power and authority because He did not want to frighten us, His creatures, His beloved. He came, rather, empty, and humble, not to be served, but to serve, as a way to draw us to Himself by His absolute and perfect LOVE. This was not a feeling, but an ACT. All love, not just marital love, is kenotic.

Sex for self pleasure, for mechanical release, for better sleep, stress relief, or any other rationalization we come up with, is not love, and it is not good use of the gift of sex. It stems from egocentric individualism, and this is a prison of isolation from others. We must break free from our jail cell. 

So, again, proper use of sex, in a proper context of marriage is "kenotic" or self-emptying. It seeks the other, not the self. It raises up, embraces, protects, nurtures, supports, and yes, pleases the other person. By this outward attention to the other, the spouse, we learn to humble ourselves, to sacrifice for our spouse, to transcend ourselves and join to our spouse, to grow with our spouse together in the marital union, in the image of God, in the image of Christ and His Bride the church. Proper sex honors God, not in some weird way like "lord we're doing this for your glory." That would be bizarre and uncomfortable. No, sex honors God in an organic way, the way an apple on an apple tree honors God because it is doing what God created it to do. "And God saw that it was Good."

Anything else is sin, and sin is to fall short, to miss the mark, to not hit the bull's eye. We have to practice so that we can hit closer to the bull's eye, and as part of that practice, we have to confess to God our failure. In the Sacrament of Confession, God will forgive, and He will add His Grace to you, so that you can arise without shame and try again. Married people can and do fail in this as well and the prescription is the same: Confess. Arise. Make a new beginning. Repeat.

All of this having been said about sex, it is important to say that sex is not the center of Christian life and morality. All sin is a symptom of our common illness. Some sin has greater repercussions among our neighbors, which makes it "bigger sin" from our perspective, but it's all sin. Stealing pens from the bank is as bad as masturbation. Dishonoring your mother is as bad as internet porn.

No, the center of Christian life and morality is Christ, is kenotic love, is spiritual warfare to resist the demons and "clean house" inside ourselves. Every effort is a small step in the right direction, and all efforts together will combine to strengthen you across multiple fronts in the war against sin and the flesh and its passions, and Christ will be with you, and He will help you, for without His help, you can do nothing.

Go to Confession. Receive the Body and Blood of our Savior Jesus Christ, frequently for the further forgiveness of sins. In these lifelines from God, He comes to you. Like the father of the prodigal, He runs to you and throws His loving arms around your neck. He gives you His grace, gives you Himself, and strengthens you to be able to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling." Like the Prodigal, come to your senses and turn to Him.

PS: After all this writing about love, marriage, and sex, I just realized it's Valentine's day.  HAHAHA.
Happy Valentine's day, dear reader. I love you. Pray for me.