I Don't Know if You Know Who I Am

 Ladies and Gentlemen Please
Would you bring your attention to me?

I want to tell you a little bit about myself. There is no more important topic, after all.

I'm an Orthodox Christian because I did a lot of research and I read a lot of books which led me to decide that Orthodoxy was the correct faith, and so I should be there since I know the truth.

You can see me in church. I mean, how could you miss me? Have you seen my vestments? They are legit! I got them custom tailored by monks in Holy Rus! I chose them because they are the most vivid colors and the brightest gold. The embroidered cross on my back really sparkles. So I spend most of the liturgy in the altar, the holiest place, of course. Where else would I be. But when I come out, you can see my piety and devotion in my bows and movements. And the voice! Oh have you heard me chanting? It's pretty much what angels sound like. By the way, when I do come out of the altar, you'll see me limping. That's because I'm just like Saint Paul, and the Lord has given me a thorn in the flesh. It indicates to you that I'm a really holy person. If I wasn't, I'd just walk around like a normal guy, but my bad leg really keeps me humble.

Hello...? Can you hear me?

Have you met me? I hope you get the chance. I'm a very pious fellow, and if you meet me, I'm sure it will be edifying for you, like meeting an elder on the Holy Mountain, but local. Because I make it easy for you. I will impress you with flowery language about how I will pray for you. I'll have lots of spiritual quotes and stuff to show you how nice it is that I pray for you.

Oh God! Help me! It's happening again.

My prayers are effectual because I'm pretty righteous. When I have a bad thought or temptation appear in my mind I quickly swat it away, because I'm advanced in the struggle for holiness. You might not know it, because my humility is pretty comprehensive, so I don't talk about it. But you can tell by my devout behavior, that's my "wink wink." On top of that, I am always at church. If the doors are unlocked, I'm in there. I probably got there before the priest because I'm holier than he is. He really doesn't know as much as I do, and I don't think he's as holy as I am. That's ok, he can learn from me too. Glad to help.

Help me! I'm trapped in this hell of pride. My shoulders are dislocated because I constantly pat myself on the back. My back is sore and bruised from all the self-congratulatory slapping. My cheeks hurt from the constant self-assured smile.

So after Liturgy I will come over to coffee hour. I'll be late because I stay behind in the altar to pray the post-communion prayers with the priest. So I'll be "fashionably late" or maybe "piously late." That's another indication of how holy I am. Once I sit down you can gather around me and hope to catch some tidbit of wisdom or insight to cherish. I'm smart. Smarter than most people. Probably smarter than you. Definitely more holy.

Please don't feed him! Don't praise me, but give glory to God. I am glad to be used by God, but all glory is His. I am just a tool. 

Oh Look! Is he trying to get a word in? Ha. That fool.

Forgive me. Pray for me.

Aw, poor thing. He pretends not to love the attention and honors he gets. See his humility? Yeah, sure. He "struggles" with pride, and then he writes on the internet about it in some public soul-bearing. Well done! Well done! See how humble we are? More than you, for sure.

That is not what this is about! Please. I am a wretch and no man. Friends, pray for me. Forgive me. I don't know how to deal with this. When you say nice things, I love it because you care, but I also love it because I think I deserve it. When I swat away pride, like a boomerang, it comes back and says "hey, that was a good job avoiding that temptation. You should be proud."

Forgive me, friends. Pray for me. because

II amam pridepride.


I am not quite as schizophrenic as this, and not that arrogant! I don't actually think that way about people, clergy, or myself. But I do go back and forth with pride. God has given me some gifts, and I want to serve His church and his people, and I have lot of love for His flock. I enjoy using His gifts for the edification of His people, but I often feel pride creeping up on me, and then when I notice it, I'm proud of that. Ha! It's a feedback loop.

When you compliment me, I am encouraged and humbled. Thank you. My reaction is my responsibility. Please don't read this and think that you shouldn't encourage and uplift others. I am trying to work on my dispassion. Here's a story to explain it better, from the desert fathers:

A novice went to his abbot for help with dispassion. The abbot sent him to the cemetery with orders to shout curses and reviling at those buried there, so he did this all day long. The next day the abbot sent him back to the cemetery with orders to shower the dead with flowery praises. This the novice also did for the entire day.

On the third day the abbot asked his novice "How did they react to your curses?"
"There was silence, father."
"And when you praised them, how did they react?"
"They didn't, father. It was again silent."
"When you achieve the same reaction whether people praise you or criticize you, you will have dispassion."

God help us all.

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