The End of My Days

O Lord, make me to know mine end, and the number of my days, what it is, that I may know what I lack. Behold, Thou hast made my days as the spans of a hand, and my being is as nothing before Thee. Nay, all things are vanity, every man living. Surely man walketh about like a phantom, nay, in vain doth he disquiet himself. He layeth up treasure, and knoweth not for whom he shall gather it. And now, what is my patient endurance? Is it not the Lord? Yea, my hope is from Thee.

These words from Psalm 38* are a bold request to the Lord. Can you imagine knowing the very day of your death? Only a few saints were ever given this foresight, and when it happened it was "you will repose in three days." Not a lot of warning. 

Based on the fact that very few saints were given this gift and those that were had only a few days before their end, it's reasonable to conclude that we can't handle it. If we knew that specific date appointed for us, I think there are two ways most of us would go with that information. Either we'd spend the time in debilitating anxiety, worsening as each day passed, or we'd pass the days in licentiousness and only "get serious" at the end. 

So what do we do with this? Memento Mori, my friends. Many Orthodox prayers and the words of many saints and fathers call us to "Remember our death." By this remembrance we can have a daily moment to think about it, to remember that we are dust and to dust we shall return, and that tomorrow is not promised. We can repent as if we were to die today, and serve others as if we were to live forever.

Remembering death is a way to confront it. Death has been destroyed by Christ's death, and so it should not be a source of fear for us. It has been converted from gloomy end into the doorway to eternity with God. We have feelings of mourning and loss when a loved one reposes, but we do not mourn without hope, as St. Paul wrote. Death has been defeated, and we can now confront it boldly, with confidence in Christ. We are His body! Death has no power over us. Rather it is the way to the shedding of sin and all its effects and the entry into paradise.

How, exactly, do we remember death? In addition to contemplating within ourselves the frailty of life, there are some ways to confront death, to get "in his face" about the beating and defeat suffered at the hands of Christ our God. Most importantly is to attend funerals. It saddens me to see a funeral with 25 people in church. If the deceased is a member of your parish you must go to the funeral. That's my opinion. The family needs you, and the decedent needs you more than anyone! You go there to pray for the soul, that God would receive her with open arms. You go there to pray for and comfort the living who must continue for a time bereft of their beloved. The hole in their heart will never be completely closed, but your love can help fill it in a little bit. Go with boldness in the Name of Christ. Give the last kiss to the one who was part of you. Proclaim victory over death, and think about your own funeral. Get the book "A Christian Ending: A Handbook for Burial in the Ancient Christian Tradition" and read it.

Another way to remember and confront death with its weakness and defeat is to pray for the dead. My personal policy is that if I hear of someone's death from someone, I figure God wanted me to know about it so that I could pray for the repose of that person. So if someone says "hey, my mom passed away" I get the name and add it to my list. If I hear it from family, friends, fellow parishioners, coworkers, neighbors etc. that name goes on the list. Folks on the news, not so much. I give a lot of weight to the personal connection that brought it to my attention. And when a name is on the list, it's not taken off the list until I die or God grants me a vision of that person in paradise and he/she lets me off the hook. Prayer for the dead, every day, brings you face to face with the defeated foe, and as your list gets longer and longer, the more it means. But don't just rush through the names. Pronounce each one clearly and truly remember them before the Lord.

God has made our days as the span of a hand, and our being is as nothing before Him. This knowledge drives us to repentance. We are short-lived and vapor, as it were. There's no influence, no power to exert over God, no convincing. We poor sinners have only this plea: Have mercy on us, O God. We have been allotted enough time to repent, we must use it wisely. Fr. Seraphim Rose said "It's later than you think."

Memento Mori. Remember death, and live for God. "And now, what is my patient endurance? Is it not the Lord? Yea, my hope is from Thee. [...] Hearken unto my prayer, O Lord, and unto my supplication; give ear unto my tears. Be not silent, for I am a sojourner with Thee, and a stranger, as were all my fathers. Spare me, that I may be refreshed before I go hence, and be no more." We will be no more on this earth, but we will be forever with the Lord and each other in Paradise if we remember death and live like we know the number of our days and that number is small. Let us repent, pray, give alms. Let us live with watchfulness and be attentive. Let us live without fear of death, which has been subdued by our God and must now serve Him!

 

*Psalm 38 in the Septuagint is Psalm 39 in Bibles based on the Masoretic text, which would be most of them. The Orthodox Study Bible and the Psalters made specifically for Orthodox Christian worship use the Septuagint numbering.