Recently sin, judging others, and dishonesty about our condition have gotten me down. Writing is theraputic, so I wrote. Now I post it. So sorry for you. If you decide to continue, you're not going to read something happy. Just so you know.
We talk about “missions” or outreach to the less fortunate, or preaching the Gospel to all nations. When was the last time a smelly, mentally unstable stranger wandered in to your church and sat down? Did you sit with them? Anybody help them find their way through the hymnal (if they could read)? When was the last time you made one of these a member of your congregation? It’s comfortable to sit in a suburban church somewhere and get high on this or that “mission” activity. Have you ever gotten the stink on you?
No, not everyone is called to go face to face with the dregs of society, and I don’t think everyone should. It just seems to me that you ought to leave alone the folks who do, as long as they are preaching the Law and the Gospel divided, and administering the Sacraments rightly.
We talk about “sin” from a distance. We all say “of course I am simultaneously saint and sinner.” it works as convenient lip service. It lets us admit a technicality. When was the last time you went face to face with the evil blackness of the heart of man? When did you realize “That is me. That is all of us.” I’m not talking about speeding or taking a pen from the office. I’m talking about bloody murder of people through anger, whoring our bodies through adultery, worshipping the god of our flesh and it’s filthy desires. Do you yell at your family? Do you call your brother a fool? In the sight of God you have murdered them. Blood is on your hands. Do you look with longing at attractive people. Do you maybe even look at porn in what you think is the private moments of your days? God sees your filthy harem and the disgusting acts you do with them. In these moments you have turned your back on God. You have said to Him and to yourself “I am the master of my destiny! I AM god!! I will do what I desire, regardless of what I know, what God has told me, what His commandments say.”
That is me. That is all of us. Sin, evil, rot, filth, murder, adultery. Every inclination of man’s heart is evil, true evil. We are not sin, but we are rotted through with the decay of it. Cancer takes the body and feeds on it. It causes pain and rot as it grows and it steals our loved ones away with suffering and death. This is sin. This is mine. This is all of ours.
Have you seen sin? This real sin? It is in me. It is in all of us. Have you ever needed to steel yourself to the idea that you may have to kill a person because of sin? That there may be a time when you find a madman in your midst, bent on death and destruction? Do you ever imagine that you may be the only thing between this madness and destruction of life? Many people could never imagine it. Columbine happened. Elsewhere thugs shout praises to their devil-god as they cut the heads off Nick Berg and Daniel Perl, their helpless kidnapped victims in a bloody sacrament. These things happen. This madness is present. Have you realized that you are not beyond the grasp of that same madness? It is in me. It is in all of us.
We are sick, all of us. We need to repent. We need to face the stench of our lives and our lusts and confess that they are evil. We need to stop hiding in a crowd, and face facts. We need to go individually to our pastor, our father-confessor and admit that we are dirty, rotten, drunken, murdering, sexually deviant, thieving madmen.
Think about that. Don’t think about it too long. It will drive you crazy. But don’t ignore it either. Regard your condition honestly. Maybe the realization of who we really are, and what God has done for us would spark renewed fear of God, and reverence and honor in our worship services. Maybe it would stop us from judging those who cross themselves, bow, genuflect, kneel or prostrate themselves as some kind of romanizing pietistic wierdos. Maybe it would help us get the log out of our eye and not worry so much about the spec in our brothers' eye. Maybe it would deepen our appreciation for the holy innocent bitter suffering and death of His beloved Son, Jesus Christ, and the forgiveness that is ours through that suffering and death. Jesus didn’t die because we merely make mistakes. He died because we are corrupt and evil. Thank God that He did.
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