Control, Love, and Prayer: Steps to Oblation - Lesson 2
In Lesson Two in "Steps Toward Oblation," these thought provoking questions are asked. Warning: some of this is deep, and some of this reveals my hypocrisy and wretched sin. I hope we can still be friends! ;-)
1. Am I ready to let God take control of my life? Are there areas in which I would prefer to hold onto the illusion of self-determination?
Of course not! Wretched man that I am, I fight for control almost every moment. Only with concentration and intent do I ever come close to loosening my death grip of my own so-called "control" of my life. I have to remember that God is with us, that He loves me. The morning prayer of St. Philaret helps me, especially when I pray
"Teach me to treat all that comes to me
throughout the day with peace of soul,
and with the firm conviction that Thy will governs all.
[...]
In unforeseen events, let me not forget
that all are sent by Thee."
So I say "yes" anyway. I say "yes" knowing that I will be stubborn, forgetful, careless, unthinking, and I will resist actually letting God have control, knowing ultimately that my struggle is futile. In my "yes" is a prayer: "God, help me to become the man You want me to be, help me to yield to You, to imitate your Son, to cling to nothing but You and trust You in and for all things."
With reflection, specific areas where I like to think I'm in or should be in control are varied. In spiritual matters, I like to tell God "hey, ya know, I've been pretty good about praying, but every time I pull my hands down and look at them, no fire. When are you gonna do something REALLY exciting for me?" This arrogance even in the face of some inexplicable events proves that I am just like the stiff-necked Israelites who, tho miracles happened every day for them, still grumbled. I also think God should make me some kind of big shot so that people will surround me and want me to pray for them and speak tidbits of wisdom, and He should probably give me a fast track to the diaconate because I'd be good for the team. Better than anyone else, really.
I'd also like to be in control of interpersonal things, or maybe just control other people. I'd rather not have to work, too, if we're talking about my druthers.
It's bad. May God forgive me and draw me near to Himself and give me a spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love, and through the grace of the sacrament of Confession, give me the will and strength to release all pretense of control and trust in Him alone.
2. What is love? How do I know that God loves me?
Love is: There are many lists, including 1 Corinthians 13. But deeper than a feeling of infatuation or a textbook definition, what is love as noetic experience? Love is focused on its object. Love wants the best for the beloved, even if that is not what is best for the lover. Love serves, and when served, love appreciates and deepens but does not say "I deserve!" Love gives of self, of time, of resources, of skills, of life. Love draws near. Love smiles, love encourages, love builds up, love supports. Love cries. (At this very moment in my reflection, I was interrupted by an Instant Message. It was from my octogenarian friend Doris from Minnesota. She had seen pictures of the devastation wreaked by historic flooding here in Nebraska and she wrote to ask if we were OK and assure us of her continued prayers for us. Doris is love.) Love mourns. Love rejoices. Love seeks what has been lost. Love shares both burdens and joys. Love touches. Love notices. Love looks deeply, intently. Love puts down the smartphone, stops the TV. Love is face-to-face. Love does not blame. When love observes sin it is saddened, not angered. Love communicates, remembers.
Ultimately, Love is Kenosis, emptying one's self for another. Jesus' perfect and complete love for the Father is evident in His emptying of Himself in absolute submission to the Father. When we empty ourselves for others, when we give up our will for our neighbor, that is love.
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
I know that God loves me because His revelation tells me. I experience God's love chiefly in the Sacramental life of the Church, and especially in that pinnacle which is the Eucharist, where God gives me His body and blood to unite me to Himself in such a thorough and intimate way that it can only be called a Mystery.
I also experience God's love in others. When they love me and do loving things to or for me, it is the love of God shining through them, for the love of others is the gift of God. A mother changes a dirty diaper; God loves. A wife prepares a nourishing meal; God loves. A friend's embrace; God's love. A doctor heals; God loves. On and on.
God's love is also revealed in the creation: The beauty of blue skies, the sparkling crystal blanket of newly fallen snow, the warmth of the sun, the wine that makes glad the heart of man and the bread to strengthen his heart, the companionship of animals. The beauty all around us. The orderliness of creation shows His love: electricity, physics, chemistry, etc. always work the same, every time, the formulas always work because God loves us.
3. What do I have to do to "make time" for the Work of God?
As a husband and father of 6 kids of widely ranging ages, things can get busy. When are they not busy? Before everyone wakes up and right before bed time. I must, therefore, make time for prayer by setting my alarm a little earlier so I can rise and pray in the quiet of early morning. I also must be disciplined enough to stop the evening activities in time to pray before I go to sleep. If I fail, then I'll end up staying up later than intended. Additionally, if there is a service or activity at church, I will arrive early enough to say prayers before the iconostasis and the altar. It has been helpful to recognize the pattern of my days and schedule prayer into regularly occurring opportunities. That way when it's time, this is what we always do: we pray at this time or that time. If it's the same time every time, then making time becomes less of a sudden realization that there's something I have to do and more of a thing I look forward to, which makes it more enjoyable, relaxed, and beneficial.
4. Reflect on your experience of using "written" prayers. What is their value?
Written prayers are a lifesaver thrown as I drown in a confluence of cares and words. When I am stuttering and fumbling for what to say, the beautiful, rich, deep prayers that have been handed down to us rescue me from my foolishness and give me the words to say. It is as if the Fathers and Elders and Saints are there themselves leading me in prayer. They are a priceless treasure, much like the Divine Liturgy itself.
5. What is the "prayer of the Church" and how is it related to personal prayer?
The prayer of the Church is that ongoing prayer which allows us to say "Who art at all times and in every hour worshipped and glorified." The Hours of the Daily Office ensure that throughout all the earth, the church is praying at all times. (A frightful thought, to consider if that prayer ever stopped!) In relation to my personal prayer, it is an umbrella to protect us from the rain or a safety net that we rely on to uphold and protect us. It informs and supports our personal prayer, and carries it along like setting our tiny paper boat onto the running waters of the river of the Church at prayer. In our Antiochian parish, as the priest makes the Great Entrance with the gifts, the prayer of the Church is in full force, and as he passes us, we parishioners reach out and touch his vestment, symbolically attaching our prayer as he approaches and enters the Altar. This is the Prayer of the Church carrying my personal prayer along to God.
1. Am I ready to let God take control of my life? Are there areas in which I would prefer to hold onto the illusion of self-determination?
Of course not! Wretched man that I am, I fight for control almost every moment. Only with concentration and intent do I ever come close to loosening my death grip of my own so-called "control" of my life. I have to remember that God is with us, that He loves me. The morning prayer of St. Philaret helps me, especially when I pray
"Teach me to treat all that comes to me
throughout the day with peace of soul,
and with the firm conviction that Thy will governs all.
[...]
In unforeseen events, let me not forget
that all are sent by Thee."
So I say "yes" anyway. I say "yes" knowing that I will be stubborn, forgetful, careless, unthinking, and I will resist actually letting God have control, knowing ultimately that my struggle is futile. In my "yes" is a prayer: "God, help me to become the man You want me to be, help me to yield to You, to imitate your Son, to cling to nothing but You and trust You in and for all things."
With reflection, specific areas where I like to think I'm in or should be in control are varied. In spiritual matters, I like to tell God "hey, ya know, I've been pretty good about praying, but every time I pull my hands down and look at them, no fire. When are you gonna do something REALLY exciting for me?" This arrogance even in the face of some inexplicable events proves that I am just like the stiff-necked Israelites who, tho miracles happened every day for them, still grumbled. I also think God should make me some kind of big shot so that people will surround me and want me to pray for them and speak tidbits of wisdom, and He should probably give me a fast track to the diaconate because I'd be good for the team. Better than anyone else, really.
I'd also like to be in control of interpersonal things, or maybe just control other people. I'd rather not have to work, too, if we're talking about my druthers.
It's bad. May God forgive me and draw me near to Himself and give me a spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love, and through the grace of the sacrament of Confession, give me the will and strength to release all pretense of control and trust in Him alone.
2. What is love? How do I know that God loves me?
Ultimately, Love is Kenosis, emptying one's self for another. Jesus' perfect and complete love for the Father is evident in His emptying of Himself in absolute submission to the Father. When we empty ourselves for others, when we give up our will for our neighbor, that is love.
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
I know that God loves me because His revelation tells me. I experience God's love chiefly in the Sacramental life of the Church, and especially in that pinnacle which is the Eucharist, where God gives me His body and blood to unite me to Himself in such a thorough and intimate way that it can only be called a Mystery.
I also experience God's love in others. When they love me and do loving things to or for me, it is the love of God shining through them, for the love of others is the gift of God. A mother changes a dirty diaper; God loves. A wife prepares a nourishing meal; God loves. A friend's embrace; God's love. A doctor heals; God loves. On and on.
God's love is also revealed in the creation: The beauty of blue skies, the sparkling crystal blanket of newly fallen snow, the warmth of the sun, the wine that makes glad the heart of man and the bread to strengthen his heart, the companionship of animals. The beauty all around us. The orderliness of creation shows His love: electricity, physics, chemistry, etc. always work the same, every time, the formulas always work because God loves us.
3. What do I have to do to "make time" for the Work of God?
As a husband and father of 6 kids of widely ranging ages, things can get busy. When are they not busy? Before everyone wakes up and right before bed time. I must, therefore, make time for prayer by setting my alarm a little earlier so I can rise and pray in the quiet of early morning. I also must be disciplined enough to stop the evening activities in time to pray before I go to sleep. If I fail, then I'll end up staying up later than intended. Additionally, if there is a service or activity at church, I will arrive early enough to say prayers before the iconostasis and the altar. It has been helpful to recognize the pattern of my days and schedule prayer into regularly occurring opportunities. That way when it's time, this is what we always do: we pray at this time or that time. If it's the same time every time, then making time becomes less of a sudden realization that there's something I have to do and more of a thing I look forward to, which makes it more enjoyable, relaxed, and beneficial.
4. Reflect on your experience of using "written" prayers. What is their value?
5. What is the "prayer of the Church" and how is it related to personal prayer?
The prayer of the Church is that ongoing prayer which allows us to say "Who art at all times and in every hour worshipped and glorified." The Hours of the Daily Office ensure that throughout all the earth, the church is praying at all times. (A frightful thought, to consider if that prayer ever stopped!) In relation to my personal prayer, it is an umbrella to protect us from the rain or a safety net that we rely on to uphold and protect us. It informs and supports our personal prayer, and carries it along like setting our tiny paper boat onto the running waters of the river of the Church at prayer. In our Antiochian parish, as the priest makes the Great Entrance with the gifts, the prayer of the Church is in full force, and as he passes us, we parishioners reach out and touch his vestment, symbolically attaching our prayer as he approaches and enters the Altar. This is the Prayer of the Church carrying my personal prayer along to God.
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