Remembering My First Visit to a Monastery


In the Spring of 2017 I made my first Pilgrimage: I visited an Orthodox Monastery. Here are my recollections of the weekend as I recorded them the day I returned:


I was blessed with holy oil from a myrh-streaming icon on Mount Athos. I prayed more than ever in my life. I had a bird teach me about the Jesus prayer. I read three books, and as much as I could, I participated in, or more accurately, was swept along, in prayer hours and Divine Liturgy.

I was ready to die. I longed for it. But not in a morbid way.
It was so calming and peaceful, and all that I saw, read, prayed, and participated in made me feel that I just wanted to depart and be with the Lord. I was calmly confident in it, looking forward to it. When Father showed me the wood shop and told me that caskets for the cemetery were made there, I had to stop myself from asking him to make me one.

Don't know if that makes sense, but it's how I felt, and it felt good.


And about the bird:
Saturday night as I lay in bed, I was praying the Jesus prayer, which I had done most of the day. I lost count before lunch.

As I lay there praying, memory of a somewhat contentious conversation I recently had about the prayer came into mind.
At that very moment, a bird outside my window sang her short, beautiful song. Then she did it again, and again, as birds do. After the third time (right?) the following complete thought occurred to me all at once:
This bird's song was as beautiful after many repetitions as it was the first time. Yet she was not doing it to puff herself up, or for vainglory. This is what she knows, and she sings with humility and faith. Likewise, the Jesus prayer, or any other prayer, even if oft-repeated and lacking "originality" or flowery language, is beautiful to God when prayed in humility and faith.
The next morning (today, Sunday) the Gospel was "consider the birds [...] are you not more important than them?" And I thought this kind of confirmed it...

It really struck me that this bird came to my window at dusk. I am used to a chorus of birds at dawn, but don't remember ever hearing much as "we have come to the setting of the sun." Perhaps she was singing "O Gladsome Light." :-D The Monastery is Holy Archangel Michael and All Angels Skete in Wetherby MO.

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